Dude, what now?

So, your kid has cancer. The official to-do list for your first week as Cancer Mom:

1. Acknowledge it sucks. Make peace with the fact that your life is forever changed. If you can't make peace, don't feel bad about a nice bottle of wine.

2. Always carry a spare bag of toiletries in your vehicle. You don't want to go into clinic for an appointment and be told you'll be admitted for the next week. Doctors respond better to those who apply deodorant liberally.

3. Just go ahead and get that portable DVD player.

4. Let people bring you food. Eat it. Don't count the calories; you never know when you're going to be NPO again. That's right, when your child is NPO, YOU are NPO. They can sense an ice chip in your mouth.

5. Let people take care of your other children. Accept as many offers for playdates as you can. They won't come as often when your child is in remission, and by that time, when you have your cancer kid full of energy, you'll miss being able to farm some of them out.

6. Hell, go ahead and ask people to do your laundry. You are officially a card-carrying Cancer Mom. You will want to have clean clothes and sheets on hand for when your child is chemo-drunk.

7. When people ask what they can do to help, TELL THEM. This is not the time to act like you don't need help. Say it with me: "Hey, Friend/Neighbor/Relative, would you mind picking up a prescription/mowing the lawn/bringing me food to emotionally eat?"

8. You are about to become ridiculously self-absorbed. Give the world permission to keep going even without your presence. You'll eventually find out if an oil rig blows up or Lindsay Lohan gets arrested.

9. Grill your oncologist. Grill them like a burger. Become the honorary oncologist you've always dreamed of being.

10. Your world is upside down. It never turns right side up, so go ahead and start learning to get used to the blood rushing to your head.