Tonight we celebrated Isabelle's 10 year anniversary of being off treatment. After tucking her in to bed, I went out onto the back patio and had a good, long cry. Earlier tonight, after a celebratory dinner, we looked through the scrapbook I made of Isabelle's year in the hospital. It was filled with beautiful, smiling faces of children who brought us so much joy during the dreary days while inpatient. Flipping through the pages, I realized that most of the other children pictured are no longer alive. I cried once again for Lacey, for James, for Irene and for Silvia. For sweet little Marcus. I cried for their mothers, and our sisterhood, of holding each other up during our darkest hours. I cried the most for the children who I could picture, but failed to find names to match their faces. I wanted so badly to remember their names. I cried for the agony I can only imagine these children's parents must feel every minute of every day.
And, I cried out of joy and gratitude. I have this incredible, funny, brilliant young woman who I am honored to call my daughter. I rarely think about cancer most days, but tonight, it consumes me. I can taste the hospital air, smell the crappy food, and hear beeps and buzzers in my mind. Ten years later, and I can still bring myself right there.
So, although I am an obvious mess tonight, Isabelle is doing fantastic. She seamlessly settled into her new middle school and is making tons of friends. She's excited to go on to state for the science fair, and continues to practice and try her best on the flute. She still hates to exercise, but we've started playing kickball on Sundays with a group of friends and she's finally getting into it. My husband is so proud, as Isabelle is gobbling up the classics from his childhood, reading "Dune", "A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and “The Fellowship of the Ring”. They have their secret "geek" club that I am not a part of, and I love it! They watch Star Trek together, and discuss computer issues that I lack the knowledge or desire to understand. Life is so incredibly good right now that I almost feel guilty. Instead, I try to just enjoy our moment of peace and happiness, for surely there will be challenges around the corner.
Ten years! I never would have thought we'd get here.
-Annie Bares Thomas
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